Basically I'm on my way to Australia

The title is, once again, a movie reference. If you have no idea and would like a hint, please visit my sister's blog. Moreover, I would like to state for the record that I introduced her to the movie.

In a Sunburned Country by Bill Bryson

In my efforts to increase my intake of non-fiction, I grabbed this title off the book-on-cd shelf at the library, loaded it onto my iPod (deleting it off my computer after I was done), and proceeded to venture into the wild unknown of Australia. Over all, I enjoyed the book. I learned A LOT about Australia, but there are three things in particular that I learned.

1. The chances of the average person knowing anything about Australia beyond boomerangs, the simple existence of aborigines, kangaroos, (start video about 5:50) the opera house, the Great Barrier Reef, and P. Sherman 42 Wallaby Way Sydney are, well, not great. Before reading (okay listening to) this book I can't say I knew much more myself. There's a vast amount of amazingly ironic and seemingly impossible history. It was quite the education.

2. I could spend six or seven months traveling around the country and still miss some of the finer points of interest. I would make a list of every possible point of interest, but it would be easier if you just read the book. However, my top four destinations would be the following: (I admit that I am going to cheat and list large areas rather than specific locations. I don't think I could narrow it down any further.)

Adelaide, South Australia and the neighboring State of Victoria: My reason for this begins not with the book, but with my Grandparents. My mother's parents spent 18 months in and around Adelaide (South Australia) and Broken Hill (New South Wales) as missionaries for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I would love to see the areas they served in. As far as the book goes, his description of the verdant and exquisite State of Victoria leave me wishing for my own view. I'm a sucker for scenery and literally have no other choice.

Queensland: This apparently highly quirky state is rich in beaches, tropical forests, and deadly creatures. It's the place to go if you want to visit the Great Barrier Reef and have a narrow brush with death, I mean a jelly fish.

Norther Territory: Home to Uluru (aka Ayers Rock), it also houses such specimens as Devils Marbles, and Stuart's tree where one of the most famous Australian Outback explorers carved an "S" into the trunk marking the place where, on the brink of death by dehydration, they finally found water. Apparently you can't see the "S," but it certainly allows you to contemplate the finer things of life--like water.

Western Australia: Here you will find the pleasant city of Perth and as in all parts of Australia, plants and animals that you will not find anywhere else in the world. Take for example the Walpole-Nornalup National Park home to the Tingle Tree and a high rise walk through the canopy.

3. If life ever gets too much, I will sell off everything and go to Australia. I should have enough to get there, rent an RV and spend six or seven months traveling the country before choosing one of several hundred ways to die. For example, I could tramp through the Queensland Tropics, find a spider or snake no one has ever seen before and let it bite me. Of course prior to the bite I would take a picture of the creature and put the camera in a plastic bag with a note indicating the date and myself as the discoverer along with a suggestion for a name.

If that's not to my liking, I could always go swimming during the box jelly fish season. Before hand, however, I will need to plan a way to record how painful the experience is as I go through it so that I can add to body of box jelly fish research. If I chicken out on that idea, I can always let myself get caught in a rip tide, swim over a deep ocean channel with sharks and groupers lurking about, or discover some aquatic animal that no one has ever seen before and packs enough venom in it's seemingly innocent appearance to kill 10 adults.

Depending on my mood at the time I could also opt for walking out in the outback, though apparently one must be prepared to drink one's own urine before giving in to the 140 degree heat and finishing life as a meal for dingos. Or once again it may happen that I find some previously unknown creature designed for instant death and leave this world knowing I won't be forgotten as long as I have enough time to write a note stating my name next to a crude sketch and description of the animal.

So there you have it: a glimpse of what I gleaned from this enjoyable book. I had actually intended this post to be more of a review than a report, but the delightful and ironic way the author shares his experiences made me want to share the funny and interesting things I learned. My biggest disappointment with this post, however, is the fact I wasn't able to work what seemed to be Bryson's favorite phrase: And here's the thing. Oh well, maybe next time.

Final note: If you do ever decide to read this book, know that some swearing crops up here and there, though the author manages to mostly just "quote" other people.